The Advantages of Being Bald

Please note this is a sponsored post…

I am without doubt ‘follically challenged’. But it doesn’t bother me one bit. There are a whole host of advantages to being bald. So if you’re unfortunate enough to have a full head of hair – but want to reap the rewards of being bald – read on, get yourself a 3- blade shaver and take the plunge…

Start a band…

Slap heads make great bongos – fact. So grab some friends and get drumming. You can do it in the pub, down the park and even on the tube. But make sure you get a wide range of shapes and sizes because it goes without saying that fat friends make better bass drums.

If you don’t believe me check out this video:

Swim faster…

Whether you’re working towards that Olympic gold, triathlon glory or you regularly find yourself in shark infested waters – then being bald is essential. A smooth head gives you the hydrodynamic properties of a dolphin. Meaning you can cut through the water like Flipper…faster than lightning. Or better still Olympic Leg End Duncan Goodhew…

heineken_duncan_goodhew

No more bad hair days…

No one except the Fonz  has perfect hair (look it up kids). Baldness means no more bed head, no wind swept bedraggled locks and certainly no helmet hair. And no need to carry a comb in the back pocket of your stone washed jeans.

Save money…

What’s the price of a cheap haircut nowadays? A tenner maybe? And if you want to stay trim and tidy you need to go at least once a month. £120 a year for haircuts!?!? Then you’ve still got to buy your fancy shampoos and gels. It adds up to far more than a couple of packets of razors and some shaving gel that’s for sure.

shampoos-conditioners-640x478
Take two bottles into the shower? No actually I don’t….

There’s less chance of contracting rickets…

It’s obvious isn’t it? It’s a simple equation. The greater the surface area of the skin, the more vitamin D is collected from the suns rays. So being bald means healthy bones and big biceps (probably).

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Pugs: will overpower your weak ass and crush your bones

Get mistaken for someone famous…

This happens to me all the time.

During the recent heat wave I went into town wearing my favourite white vest from George. And people kept shouting ‘Yippee ki yay’ at me. It was fun – but it can get a bit tiring though.

So much so that even Bruce Willis himself sometimes resorts to wearing a wig…

Fancy dress made easy…

There’s a bald character for every occasion. Going to a 70’s party? Get yourself some Chupa Chups and go as Kojak. Stuck for Halloween? Buy a 60w bulb – hey presto – Uncle Fester. Going to Comicon? Instant Picard. Make it so….

picard_generations_hqpb

Instant weather station…

You’ll always feel the first drops of rain and flakes of snow. Not only will you astound your mates with your meteorological foresight but they’ll get a head start on grabbing their kagools and you’ll be a hero!

Never get asked for I.D. again…

Don’t look 25? Shaving your head makes you look older – true story. Unfortunately I’ve looked 42 since I was 14 so its never really been a problem for me.

So – shave it off and there’s no need to pretend to be McLovin – the super bad, 25 year old Hawaiian organ donor…

mclovin-fake-id

There you have it.

There’s a whole host of wonderful things about being bald but this is just the tip of the iceberg.

You may already be part of the gang or you might now be ready to shave it all off. Either way – embrace it!

Did you enjoy this post? Read some of my other collaborations…

The Gift of Giving (or not as the case maybe)

The Perfect Summer’s Day

15 comments

  1. Hahaha this is brilliant! So so funny! My other half is rapidly losing his hair and I keep trying to encourage him to shave it, but he won’t. I’ll show him your post and I’ll bet the advantages you mention will persuade him. Love it! 😂😂😂

    Like

  2. Made me giggle, especially since one of our close friends is bald. He loves cracking jokes about his baldness, I’m wondering are you funny too? 😉 Our friend is.

    Like

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